the397

Those who know me generally know that my father was never really around. He left when I was 3 and for the next 10 years he was in and out of my life, even the year I lived with him I don’t remember seeing him all that often. So who picks up the slack? Well, it was really a bunch of different guys that taught me fatherly life lessons as I grew up, but the person that was there the most was my Mom’s brother and our next door neighbor, my Uncle Herman. He helped me fix things, he helped me learn, took me places, found me work and never agreed with anything I said. But that’s kind of my Uncle Herman, he’s stubborn, some would probably say to a fault, but when he believed in something he really believed in. He’s been sick the last few months and to be honest I’ve kind of been afraid to go to see him…I’m selfish like that. I know his mind is there, but his body is failing and I don’t like the idea of seeing him that way. I found out last night he’s coming home on hospice, which we all know means it’s only a matter of time. I feel like i really am losing my dad now, more so than when my actual father died last month.

Sometimes it’s the stupidest things that make you chuckle on a shit day.  

I never really thought of it, but damn is he correct.

My lovely girl authored this. 

Ode to my family:

This is what they told us. This is what they said.

He/She was such a great person. Remember that time this & that happened? Man we had some laughs. He/She would give you the shirt off there back. He/She was so caring. Thanks for being there for me he/she. Oh man the great memories. That one time…..oh what I wouldn’t do to have one more minute with him/her. My heart is so heavy. They left the world to soon. Oh god, I’m so glad we got to know each other, that they were there for me, that they helped shape who I am, that they taught me life lessons, that they picked me up when I fell, that they raised me, that we were a family, that you held my hand, that you hugged me, that you stuck by my side, that you loved me, that you wiped away my tears, that you were the man/woman I wanted to be.You were the best friend,mother, uncle, brother, grandparent, neighbor, long lost friend that anyone could of ever asked for.Thanks for loving us, you truly will be missed.

What we say:

Thanks for nothing. Thanks for walking out on me. I was a kid. Where did you go? Where were you? You missed everything. The memories we created that I remember are all dark, sad and hurtful. I laughed one time. I cried a million. You were no father/mother figure in my life. You left. Somehow it was fault. You blame me. You blame the other parent who stuck it out and raised me. You say they talked badly about you, but your wrong. Everything negative we thought about you, was because of you. Thanks for leaving me with strangers. Thanks for giving my shit away. Thanks for showing me that abandonment is indeed something people do to there children. Thanks for loving other people more than me. Thanks for showing them your love. Thanks for creating joyful memories with everyone else but me. Thanks for finding time in your busy schedule to not bother with me. Thanks for the hurt that you left behind. Thanks for using your addiction, your past as a crutch therefore not allowing me to blame you, so they say. Thanks for being proud of me, oh wait, I wouldn’t know.Thanks for every fantastic thing you have ever done, oh wait, you haven’t done any. Thanks for letting family and friends think you were such a great man/woman and never revealing how you were towards me. Thanks for making your son/daughter look like the bad guy when all we ever were, were just some kids left behind. But thanks for favoring everyone else over us.Thanks for leaving me behind with no apologies and no closure and thanks for leaving with unanswered questions. Thanks for not fighting to see me, thanks for not calling me, thanks for giving up on me, on us. Thanks for thinking of me on your last days, shit, you didn’t. Thanks for the emptiness you left inside me.Thanks for loving me, oh wait, shit you didn’t do that either. I guess we have no thanks to give to you after all.

But wait, RIP and you truly will be missed, not by me.

  I can’t cry cause you’re dead, I can only cry over what should have been. 

So as a fat guy I need all the help I can get when it comes to dropping those LBs. I use the Lose It on both my phone and the web to help me track what I’ve eaten for the day, I do track calories but i mostly use it to give me a big picture what I’ve eaten for the day. The other day I was in the LoseIt.com forums and I decided to post about how many calories a day other gastric bypass patients eat, as i see many different numbers. With in 10 minutes the post was locked and there was a scolding from one of the “ambassadors” telling me that it’s against LoseIt.com’s terms and conditions to ask “medical advise”, then he went on to tell me that he can tell i don’t follow doctor’s orders and things like that. Never once did I ask medical advise, I’m just trying to get an idea of what other patients do. So yesterday i log on and there’s a diabetic in there getting advice on what meds he should take for his diabetes. Now I’m pretty sure this is WAY more medical oriented than my question. From what I can tell reading about the “ambassador” that locked my thread I think he’s just against gastric bypass. There’s the weird thing in the weight loss community (yes, there’s a big group of us fatties) that are against gastric bypass, cause it’s “cheating”. To me whatever you can do to make your quality of life better you do. Why suffer if you don’t have to? That’s like saying someone that had cancer surgically removed instead of chemo “cheated”. I was going to die, so I did what was best for me.

I read a story today about n obese woman shopping at Old Navy that over heard some people talking about how 2 of them could fit into a shirt, it was that big. Of course the woman that over heard this also happen to wear that size shirt and her feelings got hurt. She cried, sat in the car, pouted and then took a picture of herself in the shirt and it’s
“Empowering”. Let me be the first to say that I don’t believe in fat shaming, although that’s not what this woman did, she just listened to someone else conversations and then got but hurt because she didn’t like what they had to say. As a society can i really no longer comment on how big a shirt is because someone but listen and get upset? Here’s my biggest issue, we act like it’s a GOOD thing to be fat now. I’m not saying we should go around and scold people for being fat, but let’s also not celebrate the fact that someone s overweight.

This is all coming from myself, an obese person. I don’t celebrate that I’m overweight, in dangerous, it takes years of my life and it effects that quality of my life. I’ve taken extreme measures to makes things better, but i am still in no way fit or the proper weight. But now we have to make everyone feel good and tell them they are good. I’m not saying these people are bad, but let’s not treat them like they are doing something good.

#OldNavy #Obese #FatShirt #FatShaming #BodyShaming

Bumped into this Radness at the Millville, NJ Wawa last Summer. I’m bummed I wasn’t close enough to hear his radio, but I bet it was Poison or Quiet Riot. I wish I could have got a better shot of his ultra thin tank top and sweet work out pants.